Coffee Art
by red champagne
Summary: Meet: Sakura Setting: Akatsuki Cafe Enter: crazy, hot, single men, meddling friend, and long-time crush Result? "No matter how pretty you make it, it's still coffee. Bitter, dark, coffee." "But who can live without coffee?" deisaku rated for safety AU
1. Welcome to the Akatsuki

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

"Bad boys are hot."

Sakura rolled her eye at her best friend.

"Don't deny it, Sakura, you know it's true. After all, they're dangerous, they're charming, and they're _sexy_," Ino sighed dreamily.

The pink-haired ninja waved dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, sure." She leaned across the table, gesturing for Ino to lean forward too. "You know what I think?" she whispered, her eyes darting quickly from one side to the other, like her next sentence was top secret.

"What?" Ino asked, easily excited.

Sakura bumped her head lightly on the blond's. "I think you've been watching too much of your gooey soaps."

Ino drew back, a hurt look on her face. "I don't know what you mean."

"You watch them an hour a day, every day."

"So? It's important to keep up. And I do not watch it _every_ day."

"Yeah, on the days you're busy, you tape it."

Ino raised her hands in surrender. "It's better than what you watch."

Sakura crossed her arms indignantly. "What's wrong with what I watch?"

"You watch bloody murderers being thrown in jail, and not even by hot guys. They're caught by average-looking people," Ino said, speaking the word 'average' like it was a curse.

"I can't stand overly-handsome, perfect men-"

"No, Sakura," Ino interrupted easily. "What you can't stand is knowing that you can't have one of those overly-handsome, perfect men."

"Anything else, ma'am?"

Sakura took two of the plates from the blond waiter and set them down on the plain wooden table between her and Ino. She then began to cut her strawberry waffles into eight pieces, making sure to dump the syrup in equal amounts on each piece.

Ino snorted. "Dear God, Sakura, they're waffles. It's not like your cutting out someone's organs."

"Because I would know."

Ino rolled her eyes. Her best friend had no qualms with bragging about her internship and the best hospital in Konoha. "Yeah, I know."

"Anyway," Ino continued. "Did you see that waiter?" She gestured at the blond waiter that had brought them their breakfast, and was now clearing plates from a table across the room.

Sakura looked him from head to toe and nodded appreciatively. "Yeah, but," she squinted, "are those _mouths_ on his _hands_?"

The blond girl shrugged. "So he's a little crazy. We all are, up in here."

"That's true," Sakura agreed.

Ino stood up. She gestured at the blond waiter, who was busy looking the other direction, loading dirty plates onto his arm.

"Yes?"

Ino sat back down. "Actually, we were looking for the blond over…" she trailed off, looking up at the waiter, smile on her face suddenly flirtatious. "What kind of beverages do you serve?"

"Anything you want, baby," the waiter smiled, the picture of sex appeal. His whitish hair was slicked back, and his irises were violet, probably contacts, but then who was she to judge? She had pink hair, after all.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at their blatant flirting, though neither of the two were looking in her direction.

"Well, I'd like some cream."

_Are you available?_

"Would you like it warm?"

_Would you like having sex with me?_

"Yes."

_I'll screw your fucking brains out._

"Sorry, I forgot. We're out. I'll have to go out and get some."

_I'll fuck you 'till you scream._

"I gotta go," Ino said, turning to Sakura, giving her a wink.

Sakura shrugged, "Use a condom."

"Hey! I'm going out! Cover my shift, Blondie!"

The blond waiter spun around, furious, "No, Hidan, un! I'm not freaking covering for you for the _third time this week!_"

"Well I gotta go! Don't be such a fucking pansy, Blondie!" he shouted back.

"I think I've got a solution," Ino said, mischievous glint in her eyes. The blond had stomped off, plates in hand.

Hidan turned back to her, apparently open to suggestions. "Yeah, babe? And what's that?"

Ino leaned over, purposely giving him an eyeful of cleavage, and whispered in his ear. The scowl on his face vanished, making way for an almost evil grin. When she was finished, he nodded, "Alright."

He ran off, reappearing a couple minutes later, dressed in a casual t-shirt and jeans, and tossed a black piece of fabric to Sakura.

"Congrats, Blossom, you're officially part of the Akatsuki Café. Or, at least, for now."

Sakura unfurled the black piece of fabric, quickly realizing it was an apron. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I am _not_ working in a café."

She looked up. They were gone.

"Dammit!"

**_I didn't originally plan for this to be more than a oneshot. In fact, I didn't even plan on finishing or uploading it. But now, overcome with the strange urge to publish something, I have (uploaded, I mean). Please review, and tell me if I should continue!_**

**_- Red_**

**_p.s. I have no intents to make Ino and Hidan a couple, unless I get reviews from you guys telling me to do so._**

**_p.p.s. If you havn't seen coffee art, go search it. It is amazing stuff._**


	2. Of Pink Hair and Uniforms

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto._**

"Hey, Blossom!"

Sakura stiffened. "For the _last time,_ my name is Sakura. Sa-ku-ra. Not 'Blossom'," she glared at Hidan, "Or 'Hey you'," she turned the glare towards Kakuzu, who shrugged, "Or 'Pinky'," she glared at Kisame, who wasn't looking. "I'm talking to you, fish face!"

"Yeah, yeah," Hidan said, brushing her off. "But we need to talk to you, Blossom."

She narrowed her eyes, but nodded and stiffly strode over. "What?"

"It's your hair."

"What about my hair?" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"It's pink."

"Yes, I know it's pink. How nice of you to notice."

Kakuzu interrupted Hidan. "What that idiot is saying is that your pink hair is not helping business."

"Helping business…?"

Kakuzu sighed, eyeing her like she was a stupid child. "Yes. Costumers prefer normal to artificial."

"Artificial?"

"Well, let's face it, nobody's hair is _normally_ pink," Hidan said, leaning against a chair.

"_Artificial_?"

"I think we've already gone over that and – "

"You've got purple-fucking-eyes, Kisame's mother is probably fucking a piranha, Kakuzu's scary as shit – "

"Sakura, I think that – "

"Shut up! Itachi's an emotionally retarded motherfucker, and Zetsu's fucking black and white! And that's only a few of you." Sakura thought about Deidara, the waiter she had met on her first trip to the café. She hadn't seen him since that day, only a few days ago, and didn't want to ask for fear of the rest of them childishly singing about her nonexistent-though-very-possible-okay-maybe-but-only-a-little crush. She quickly snapped out of her daydream. "None of you are 'normal', and my hair is fucking natural!" She took a deep breath.

"Damn… Blossom's got one helluva set of lungs…"

Kisame sniffed a little, hand over his heart. "Fucking a piranha, huh?" Sakura immediately felt bad and was about to apologize, but was stopped short when he continued, "Haven't heard that one before," and began to chuckle, hand falling back to his side.

"That aside," Kakuzu said smoothly, unfazed at Sakura's explosion, "we think it would be better if you wore this." He held out a brown wig.

"I'm not wearing that."

"Do it or you're fired."

"I didn't even want this job in the first place! You – "

"And this."

"Oh, _hell_ no."

XXX

How the fuck did they get her in the dress and wig anyway?

"You look good."

"Shut up Ino. What do you want?"

"I'm serious," she said, glancing down at her menu. "How 'bout some blueberry pancakes?"

"I can't bend over my skirt is so short, and I think this counts more as a towel than a shirt," Sakura said, pulling on the hem of her mid-thigh length black skirt, covered by a small lacy apron tied around her waist. Her white collared shirt buttoned up in the front before opening at the top, showing the curve of her cleavage. She brushed back a few strands of brown hair, the rest tied in a ponytail with a black lace ribbon, and wrote down her best friend's order. "You want coffee with that?"

"I think it's good that you're finally making use of your body, like other women. And no, I'll pass on the coffee."

"To do what? Give guys a peep show? Not all women are strippers, you know. You sure? Your pancakes will be here soon. Whipped cream?"

"Well, you're definitely going to get more costumers. And that means more tips. Imagine how much more you make if you dropped your pen once in a while. Ooooh, yes, and some syrup."

"You're such a slut, Ino. Drizzle?"

"Hmm…. Drown it."

"I'll be back with your pancakes then." She looked up from her notepad. "And did I mention these bangs are killing me?"

She grinned, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "Yeah, I bet they are."

Sakura gave her a little knock on the head with the notepad. "I hate blunt cuts."

"It's cute, though."

"Hmmm… you really think so?"

"Oy! Pinky! We don't pay you to stand around and girl-talk!" Kisame called.

"Yeah, yeah, fish face!" Sakura called back. She turned, making her way to the counter where the orders were taken and made. Halfway there, she stumbled. Trying to regain her balance, she cursed, "Damn heels!"

"All women wear heels with no problem," Ino laughed. "What does that say about you, hmm?" Sakura flashed her middle finger and walked unsteadily back to the counter.

"Oh, and that's forty dollars for the pancakes!" she shouted over her shoulder.

"What?!"

"Yeah, you get a bitch tax."

"Forehead!"

"Pig!"

XXX

"Will that be all?" Sakura asked, writing down the man's order.

"Yes. Ah, no. I was wondering… are you single?"

She looked up, startled. "Sir, I'm not interested in a relationship right now. Will that be all?"

"Yes." The man went back to scribbling on his napkin, head bent over.

She walked away from table 17, sighing. That was the third person this week to hit on her. It was the outfit. Subconsciously, she tugged on the skirt's short hem again.

XXX

"Sakura…"

"Yeah?"

Zetsu stood behind her. He held out a paper white hand, in it a slightly crumpled, folded napkin.

Sakura unfolded it, smoothing it out on the counter. The writing was tiny and cramped, scrawled quickly and in a hurry.

"Well?" Zetsu seemed interested. "_What does it say?_"

"What does what say?" Hidan strolled in, hands clasped behind his head. The rest were quick to follow.

"What's going on?" Kisame asked.

Hidan shrugged. "I dunno. Something about reading something."

"Sakura got a note," Zetsu said.

Their attention turned toward Sakura, who looked up from the napkin and tossed it to the nearest person, who happened to be Itachi.

"Read it out," Hidan said.

Itachi read, voice becoming more and more monotonous as the words went on.

"_Your eyes,_

_Gorgeous and green,_

_Like spring leaves,_

_I imagine them,_

_Rolling back in pleasure,_

_Glossy and unfocused,_

_As you lay underneath me._"

Hidan laughed loudly, clutching his sides. "What the fuck, seriously? Who's the motherfucker that wrote it?"

Itachi passed it over and Hidan read it off, "'M'. That's all it says. 'M'. Hey, Blossom – "

He looked up. Sakura was gone.

* * *

**Hullo again, dears! The plot goes on, with just a hint of foreshadowing! The rating comes into play! Deidara is missing! Oh noes! I liked this chapter. I thought it was pretty funny, but my sense of humor is a little skewed… the only way for me to improve is through feedback, and feedback means reviews. So review please!**

**- Red**


	3. Of Dates and Midnight Meetings

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

Sakura changed out of her "uniform", tossing the dress into the open locker haphazardly to join the wig and shimmying into her carefully laid out red dress. She had a date tonight, and she wanted it to go well. Being a workaholic was evidently good for work, but not so much for relationships. She briefly entertained the thought of going in the short dress that made up her uniform, but immediately realized that that would be incredibly stupid seeing as she was trying to make a good impression, not make him think she charged twenty an hour. Sweeping her hair (which she had loosely curled especially for the occasion) into a ponytail, she dusted her eyelashes with shimmering gold powder that matched the embroidery on her dress, then gave herself a once-over. Pleased, she turned, stepped into her strappy red heels, and left the women's locker room that only she occupied.

She had hoped that all of the men had left, but, when she swung open the door, she saw that that was not the case. The Akatsuki men lounged in various places around the café. Hidan suddenly looked up, right at her, and took in her appearance. A slow grin spread over his face and he nodded.

Sakura swore at her stupidity. She should've known better than to let it slip earlier that she had a date. Of course they would be there.

The rest looked up as they all seemed to sense the change in Hidan's atmosphere. Kisame let loose a low, appreciative whistle, and there were some nods of agreement. Sakura fidgeted under their close scrutiny.

"Turn."

Sakura looked at Itachi, shocked. He rarely said more words than necessary, and never initiated. Usually, he just stayed behind in the kitchen, cooking the pastries and cakes that the costumer ordered, intently focused, while the female customers crowded by the counter in front, trying to catch a glimpse of him through the gaping window (Kakuzu added it. "Good for business" he said. Sakura didn't think that women were that shallow, until she saw the crowd of girls, young and old, swooning and sighing in front of it and crying out when he left for necessities such as bathroom breaks and food).

"W-wha-?"

She swore she saw him roll his pitch black eyes. "Turn," he repeated.

Dumbfounded, she spun around in a quick circle, feeling the dress lift slightly and twirl around her legs.

"Do you like it?" Kisame asked.

"Hn."

Kisame grinned widely, giving her a two-thumbs up sign. "He likes it!"

* * *

"What do you do for a living?" Sakura smiled politely, taking a sip of her white champagne. Appetizers hadn't even been served and already she could tell this was going to be a bust…

"Huh? What?"

considering he did nothing but gawk at _hers_.

Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She kept the fake smile plastered to her face and repeated, "What do you do for a living, Ichirou?"

"Oh, well, I'm sort of taking a break from work…"

"Ah…" The conversation died right there. Beneath the table, Sakura deftly texted Ino. In seconds, her phone rang, and she picked it up, holding up a polite, but unnecessary finger to signal that she needed a minute and smiling apologetically. She nodded her head to an invisible conversation, gasped, and furrowed her brow. Clicking her cell phone shut, she stood up, grabbing her coat, and said regretfully, "I'm sorry. Something important's come up. I'll need to cut our dinner short."

"Oh, no, that's, uh, perfectly all right." Ichirou stuttered hastily.

"Maybe you can call me sometime…? I really need to go. Good bye." Sakura sped out of there, not giving him time to point out that she didn't leave him a number to call.

BREAK

Sakura called a cab, getting in and slamming the door shut.

"Where to?"

Sakura, whose eyes had fluttered shut, sighed. She didn't want to go home. It always so alone and empty; an unavoidable reminder of her of her alone- and empty-ness. She couldn't go to Ino's. She was out on a date with Hidan. Without thinking about it, she muttered, "Akatsuki Café."

"You know they're going to be closed, right…?"

"Yes. Akatsuki Café." She opened her eyes, daring him to object. The cab driver shrugged, pulling away from the curb, figuring that it was okay if she was a little wacko, so long as she paid him.

* * *

Deidara unlocked the door, stumbling in. Tossing his coat onto a nearby stool, he made his way over to his room, a small space in the back of the café, beside the woman's locker room. His eyes drifted shut and he swayed from exhaustion. All he wanted to do was sleep. He grabbed the door handle, twisting it and pushing against it with his body.

The sharp light blinded him for a moment. His arm shot up to try and block the rays from assaulting his irises any further, and he heard a scream. Gradually, Deidara's eyes adjusted, and he peered around. "New girl, un?"

Sakura shot up from her place on the floor, leaning against the lockers, and her eyes widened. "D-Deidara?! What are you doing here?"

He rolled his eyes. "I could ask you the same thing, un."

"Answer me first."

"Alright. I live here."

Her head tilted and she chewed on her lower lip, pursing her lips slightly. Deidara couldn't help notice that she looked positively _adorable_.

"What?"

"Yeah. I live here, un. Haven't you ever wondered what that door was? The one right next to the women's locker room? The one that's always locked? That's my room, un."

"Why don't you – "

"Get an apartment? Why should I? If I can live here, then why not, un? Now. What are _you_ doing here, un?"

Sakura sighed. "Bad date."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you came here, un?"

She shrugged, pointing to her locker, the door of which hung ajar. "I left my jeans here."

For the first time, Deidara looked at her and what she was wearing. She had makeup on, her hair curled, and a nice, elegent dress. Of course she had been on a date. "How did you get in?"

She held up the spare key. "Hidan's too lazy to put it somewhere safe. It was in the crack under the flower pot by the front door."

Deidara nodded in understanding. "Get changed. I'm gonna go have a drink, un. You can join me if you want." And then he left.

Sakura stared at the door for a moment before shrugging off her dress, slipping on a t-shirt, and stepping into her jeans. Silently apologizing to the beautiful gown (a present from her father for her graduation and internship, it had never been worn out before tonight. For some reason, she thought she was failing it to take it out for such a meager excuse for a date) she hung it on the hook in the cramped and not-too-clean locker and walked out.

* * *

Sakura giggled, downing her sixth glass of whiskey since the bottle had been opened. She swayed a little on her bar stool. Deidara looked at her in amusement. "So, where were you?"

He sipped at his drink. "What do you mean, un?"

"I mean, I haven't seen you for the last few days. Where were you? Out on an extravagant vacation with a lover, perhaps?" Why did her heart jump when she said that?

He peered at her, glass half raised, before closing his eyes and taking a gulp of whiskey. "My mother's funeral."

She stopped giggling to herself, immediately sobering up to some extent. "Oh… I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I don't understand why people say they're sorry for things like this, un. It's not like they did it, so what do they have to be sorry for?"

Sakura was taken aback. "How can you be so… so _cold_? Your mother died! Aren't you a little sad? I was heartbroken when my father – " she stopped.

Deidara put down his glass, turned, and stared at her intently. "My mother died because she was too stupid to leave a man like my dad, un. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't my fault, and it certainly wasn't my sister's fault, even though she thinks so. She wasn't much of a mother anyway, un. Do you know what she did when she found out I ran away?"

She didn't respond.

"She opened a glass of champagne and threw a party, un. That's the kind of person she is. The kind of person she was."

Sakura averted her eyes from his intense gaze. Softly, she said, "You said you had a sister…"

Deidara loosened up and turned away again, the corners of his lips turning up in a slight, almost nostalgic smile. "Nayomi… She's thirteen. The sweetest little girl you'll ever meet, un. She's the best thing that ever happened to our 'family'." He said the word with such disdain. Sakura wondered exactly what happened to Deidara to make him so bitter.

She took another gulp of whiskey absentmindedly, then began coughing forcefully when the burning liquid went down the wrong way. Deidara patted her on the back and she waved him off, choking out, "I'm fine…"

Recovering, she downed the rest of the whiskey. They sat, side by side, at the bar in an almost content silence. "So…" he started after a while, moving to face her.

"Mmm…" She fell over, her body thumping loudly onto the glossy wood floor. She moaned a little before laughing. He quickly bent over her and said, "Are you alright, un?"

She didn't reply. Lying there, staring into his eyes, she realized how amazingly unnerving they were. Gorgeous, gorgeous, clear, blue. Bright as the sea, and clear as ice. Staring at her. Staring through her. She leaned forward, and kissed him.

And then she passed out.

* * *

**_Next chapter up! Deidara returns, questions are answered, and people get drunk. How exciting. How cheesy. Review, please!_**

**_-Red_**


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